


Lyin' Eyes

by tattooeddevil



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-16
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-18 19:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooeddevil/pseuds/tattooeddevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/564502">Take A Bow</a>: Shannon'll do anything to get Tomo back, but Tomo can't. He just can't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lyin' Eyes

72 hours. It has been 72 hours of Shannon sitting on his driveway with that god-awful sign. 3 fucking days he’s been out there. Just sitting there, holding the sign. Tomo doesn’t know if he sleeps, he hasn’t checked. He’s tried his best to ignore Shannon as much as he can, but he is starting to feel worse and worse about walking past him to leave the house and come back. Shannon is starting to look bad, real bad, and he feels guilty.

He feels guilty enough to make Shannon something to eat. He doesn’t know if Shannon’s been eating or drinking, but he feels asshole enough to bring him something. Anything to not make him feel like he is in the wrong. A sandwich and a cup of coffee it is. And a little note. “You lying piece of fucking shit. XOXO” The kisses and hugs are an afterthought, he feels bad already for writing the harsh words. God, he is so bad at being angry.

He takes the small trey and heads for the front door. He glances outside first, trying to see where Shannon is and what he is doing. Exactly the same as he has been doing for the past 72,5 hours. Just sitting there looking absolutely fucking pathetic. Tomo sighs and softly opens the front door. Not soft enough, Shannon’s head whips around and Tomo cringes at the hopeful look on his face. He’s well aware suddenly he really should not be doing this, but he can’t stop it now. Not when Shannon looks even more broken and starved from up close.

He slowly walks towards Shannon, very aware of Shannon’s eyes on him the entire time. Stopping a few feet away from him, he glances up and shakes his head at Shannon’s hopeful look.

‘Don’t Shan. I just don’t want you to starve, that’s all.’

Shannon’s face falls a little and he nods without making a sound. Tomo closes the last few feet between them and crouches down to set the trey down in front of Shannon. He sighs deeply and looks up at Shannon again. He looks downright miserable and there’s a nervous glance in his eyes. Tomo sighs again.

‘Go away Shan, I mean it. Leave.’

Without another word, he gets up and quickly retreats back inside the house. He hesitates in front of the front door, but decides he wants to see what Shannon does and peeks out the small window next to the door. He sees Shannon stare at the trey for what seems like ages, before picking up the small note he left. He watches with a dull ache in his chest as a single tear drops from Shannon’s cheek onto the note, Shannon’s finger frantically trying to wipe it away and cursing when it smudges the pen anyway. He turns away quickly, his heart strings can’t take this much.

When he leaves the house the next morning, the small trey he brought Shannon his food on the day before, is sitting in front of the door. It is empty. He picks it up without looking at Shannon and brings it inside. He takes it back outside with a cup of coffee on it and a glass of water. He sets it down next to Shannon on his way past, not daring to look at him for fear of breaking down right then and there. No, he has to remember he is still angry, Shannon cheated on him, he hates Shannon. Except that he doesn’t.

When he comes back, the trey has been returned to the spot at the front door again and he takes it inside with him. He immediately picks up the phone to call Jared.

‘Jay, please come get him. I can’t do this anymore.’

Jared just sighs resigned.

‘I tried Tome, I really did. He either refuses or sneaks out to go back to you. I’m sorry.’

He feels tears burning behind his eyes and he shakes his head angrily, wanting to get rid of them. He won’t cry again, he’s spilled enough tears over this. He won’t cry, he shouldn’t cry, he can’t cry… Fuck it, he’s crying.

‘God fucking damn it Jay, I can’t do this! He needs to stop doing this! Please, just talk to him or something, please!’

‘Okay, okay, calm down Tome, I’ll come over and talk to Shan. Just… Just sit tight and try and calm down okay?’

Tomo hangs up without another word, trying to stop the tears from falling from his eyes. He sits down heavily at the kitchen table and his eyes fall on the small food trey. With a sudden swell of anger, he sweeps it off the counter, the mug and glass breaking loudly. It doesn’t make him feel better at all, if anything he feels worse. He knows he feels guilty for letting Shannon sit outside his house for days on end. He also knows it’s Shannon’s own fault, but now that the initial anger over Shannon’s infidelity has numbed a little, he has to admit he still loves Shannon. Crap.

Jared arrives not long after and when Tomo opens the front door for him, he glances at Shannon. Jared pulls him in a tight hug and Tomo closes his eyes against the sad look of Shannon, sitting cross legged, slightly hunched over, skin pale and face sad. He looks like a broken man. Fuck.

Jared pulls back and studies Tomo’s face.

‘You look terrible.’

Tomo scowls and pushes the door shut.

‘I love you too.’

The sarcasm doesn’t last long though. With Jared here, he doesn’t have to be the strong one anymore, he doesn’t have to keep it all together anymore, Jared can do that for him now. At least for a little while. He sits back down in his chair at the kitchen table again and puts his head on his arms on the table with a deep sigh.

He feels Jared sit down next to him and put a warm hand on top of one of his. Neither one speaks, they just sit like that for a while. Tomo still fighting his tears, Jared just silently holding his hand. After what feels like hours, Tomo finally lifts his head to look at Jared.

‘Thanks for coming.’

Jared shakes his head.

‘Don’t mention it. That’s what friends are for.’

‘I know, but he’s your brother, I don’t want you to get in the middle of this. Fucking hell, what am I gonna do Jay?’

Tomo sighs and puts his head back on his arms. If he could disappear right now, he would. Gladly. Leave everything behind and go. No more Shannon, no more guilt, no more hurt. Only he knows that’s not the answer. The hurt will stay, will follow him, will haunt him.

‘Have you tried talking to him?’

Tomo snorts. ‘Yeah. And gave him a nice black eye in the process.’

Jared chuckles. ‘Point taken. But I am here now, maybe that’ll help?’

Tomo lifts his head again and shakes it.

‘Probably not, but what the heck, it can’t get any worse, right?’

Jared looks at him for a long time before getting up and pulling him in a hug. Tomo almost clings to him, trying desperately to find the strength he needs to talk to Shannon. Jared lets him cling for as long as he needs, until Tomo has his head together enough to let him go and walk to the front door slowly.

Tomo takes a deep breath and opens the door wide. He doesn’t step out, but calls Shannon’s name instead. He watches Shannon look up startled, a sad and defeated look changing to surprise. Their eyes meet and Tomo refuses the urge to look away. He swallows a few times before he gets his voice to work again.

‘Can you come in, please?’

Surprise changes to shock, but Shannon scrabbles up to his feet quickly, the sign still clutched in his hand. He turns to Tomo hesitantly and it hits Tomo he is waiting for him to tell him what to do, what is okay. Tomo steps to the side and motions Shannon to come inside. Shannon slowly walks towards him, looking down at his feet all the while. When he reaches Tomo and the door, he makes an effort not to touch Tomo when he passes him to get inside. Tomo swallows at the obvious sign of submission, defeat, surrender to anything Tomo wants him to do.

Shannon stops two steps in and again it is Tomo that has to tell him to sit on the couch in the living room. He watches Shannon walk into the living room, their living room and suddenly his chest tightens. Emotions threaten to overflow him and he turns his back to Shannon and the living room for a moment. He catches Jared’s eye from the kitchen and nods at Jared’s questioning smile. He can do this, he can.

He closes his eyes and turns back to Shannon. He’s afraid, afraid that this conversation is just going to end up like the previous ones, afraid he’ll give in and forgive Shannon when he really shouldn’t, afraid he’ll do the wrong thing. But what the hell is the right thing?

Opening his eyes slowly, he keeps his gaze on his hands, carefully avoiding looking at Shannon when he opens his mouth to speak.

‘Thank you for fighting.’

He surprises himself with that, he hadn’t planned to say that, and his gaze flickers to Shannon, who is, going by the look on his face, absolutely baffled. He’s not sure what to make of Shannon’s expression nor of his own words, but he knows this is not going to be a talk like the ones before. Not this time.

Shannon is not going to say anything, he knows that, but he’s unsure of what to do next. What to say next. He looks over his shoulder to find Jared’s reassuring eyes and he takes a deep breath before turning back to Shannon.

‘I don’t want you sitting outside the house anymore, Shan. Go. Please just go.’

Shannon starts shaking his head and opening his mouth to say something, but Tomo cuts him off.

‘Yes. You are going home with Jared. And you are not coming back for at least a week. No phone calls, no text messages, no emails, no nothing.’

He has no idea where this strength is coming from, but there it is and he decides to go with it.

‘You are going to leave me alone to process everything and fucking breathe, understand?’

Shannon nods quickly, not meeting Tomo’s eyes anymore.

‘I’m sure you can stay with Jared for the time being. You need to give me that.’

Shannon nods again and this time, he looks up. Tomo recognizes the questioning look and he nods. It takes Shannon three tries to ask his question.

‘Do you… Are we… Will we… Will we ever be okay again?’

Tomo feels something in his chest tighten and he closes his eyes briefly. He doesn’t know how to answer this right now, it is way too soon, but he knows Shannon needs at least something from him. He also knows the wrong answer, whichever that is, can be easily twisted into something else by a desperate and hopeful mind.

He opens his eyes again and takes a deep breath. He feels like he’s been taking deep breaths all fucking day, but he’s not taking in any air. He’s fucking drowning and he needs space and time away from Shannon. He walks over to Shannon and bends down slowly to take his face in his hands. He stares at Shannon for a while before pressing his lips to his cheek and getting up again.

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t everything you ever wanted.’

He walks away then, still no answer to Shannon’s question, still hurt and broken. Will they ever be okay again?


End file.
